A bit of sunshine…

The kids had a great first day of hybrid in-person school!! (and so did I!) They were excited to go, and I was really hoping they’d love it. They NEED this so badly. Being in a classroom, away from home without mom, and actually seeing people face to face.

Brian and I were so happy to put the kids on the bus, and I didn’t even know what to do with my time. I had a dentist appointment smack dab in the middle of the day so I couldn’t really get sucked into any projects. So Brian ran out to Dunkin for coffees and breakfast. I enjoyed my latte, then folded some laundry, went to the dentist, and then drank a mimosa while I folded and put away more laundry. Before I knew it, the kids were getting off the bus.

As they ate lunch, I grilled them about how many kids they had in their class, what their names were, how did specials go, did they go outside for snack, etc. I also asked them their best and worst parts of the day. To sum it up, they didn’t really like wearing masks, but loved everything else. Well, three said that. The other two said they didn’t like learning but loved snack (Easton and Brody of course). But overall, they said that it was all worth it and they couldn’t wait to go back tomorrow.

It makes my heart so happy that they got this time in school. I wish it could be every day, or even 4 days a week, but I’ll take it. I’m hoping getting through the first three days of the week will be easier, knowing we get to go to school the next two days, and then it’s the weekend!

Hopefully this kinda boosts them up even a little, and brings up their moods a bit. Things have been so rough with school, that they really need their cups filled again.

After lunch we met up for “recess” at the playground with a bunch of friends, and that is another piece they really need. Free time to just play and be normal kids. Plus, it is nice for the moms to be able to sit and chat!!

Tomorrow Brian and I are going out to breakfast, which I’m looking forward to. It’s nice to get things done around the house while the kids are in school, but grownups need some “me time” too!!

I’m blah today. I’m not feeling well, I’m feeling down and I’m tired. I’m sure it’s partly (or a lot) hormones, but that’s not really important. So when I’m feeling like this, it’s really hard to drag myself out of it. Everything annoys me. I don’t want to talk to anyone, I just want to go to bed.

But Brian had to leave for work, which leaves that out of the question. So I decide it’s an order dinner, put on a movie night. At least that makes it easier. But I’m still grumpy.

Until Brody asks me to play Guess Who? with him. I actually enjoy that game so I said yes because I felt bad saying no when I was just sitting there.

And do you know what happened? We started playing, I started smiling and my mood was lifted. I still feel like crap but at least I’m not in a bad mood and I can enjoy our Taco Bell delivery and whatever movie they decide on.

I have to remember that these guys can lift me up when I need it, and not just drain me. And that I have to let them. I need them just as much as they need me! Probably more.

Is It October 12th Yet?

Yesterday one of the first grade teachers was absent. Since they don’t schedule substitues, the teacher gave us a list of assignments to complete. There was a few activities for math, a reading and writing activity, word study activity, plus their special and their intervention services. I have to say, it was the best day we’ve had BY FAR. There were smiles, hugs, cuddles, and no whining. No tantrums. No heartbreaking looks from my babies. See, there is one child who is most against virtual learning. Learning in general, but virtual learning is especially tortuous for him. Brody has said all along that he’d rather be homeschooled by me than do virtual learning. Funny, because he gave me the most problems back in the spring. But he was so happy yesterday and finished all his work by 10am, and that was taking our time and taking breaks. He did an amazing job and we all had a great day.

This morning when he woke up, Brody asked me if his teacher was absent again. I told him that she’d be back, so he’d go back to virtual learning. He was so upset and asked if I could just teach him like we did yesterday. Unfortunately, I don’t have the assignments and that’s just not how it works I told him. The school says we have to do it this way. Needless to say, today has been rough. Brody has been pouting, refusing to work, throwing things, turning off his sound, and just generally not listening to his teacher today. I gave him a bit of leeway on his behavior chart (I can post about that later or tomorrow) but I ended up having to move the clothespin to “Make Better Choices” because he just kept carrying on and then started to be disrespectful towards me.

Still, it breaks my heart. I keep telling him, “I know, buddy. I know this is hard but you can do it. I had fun yesterday too, but this is how we are learning today.” And I hate doing that.

Our district is moving to hybrid on October 12th, which can’t come soon enough. Seeing my kids over the moon happy at their sports practices, interacting in person with their teammates, is all the proof I need that they need to be around their friends. They need to be in class, and I really hope, though I’m not terribly optimistic, that we will get to full-time in school this school year. Anything less is just not enough. And if that’s the case, I am seriously considering pulling them and teaching them on my own until we do get back full time. Trying to give it a chance, but bottom line is this is too much screen time and it just plain isn’t working.

It’s a Good Thing

I wanted to share a neat thing I found that really helps us stay organized for virtual learning. With five children all home, space is at a premium. And with each kid needing a pile of stuff including workbooks, journals, pencils, dry erase materials, etc. there’s a lot of STUFF. So I went on Amazon and searched up “homework caddy” but really wasn’t finding anything that would hold the workbooks well. On the internet, I zeroed in on a picture of a caddy that seemed perfect, and it turned out it was! I ordered these caddies from http://www.discountschoolsupply.com and I was so excited when I opened the boxes. They are made of heavy duty plastic that even withstood being knocked off the table.

Each kid has their own, and it has a handle so they can move it to whichever work table they were going to be at that day. The taller compartment holds their workbooks, journals, papers and their white boards. They can also hang their headphones over the side. On the other side are 3 smaller compartments that hold their dry erasers and markers, pencils and erasers, file cards and blue light glasses. I just taped the notecard with their name on it and it’s perfect!! The only complaint is that it’s heavy for them, but really it just moves to a table and stays there for the duration of the school day, so that’s not a big deal. Now, their stuff stays in one spot, and is not getting all mixed up together all over the table.

My nerdy self really goes crazy over sweet organization, and I was over the moon happy after I had set these up. Made my day!

Side tip: I bought each kid their own color pencils, and they use them for school only. You have no idea how fast they lose pencils around here, and this way, there is no fighting over pencils!!

I also shut the door to the school room after the school day and they are not allowed back in. It’s amazing how fast they can trash a place! This way the room is all set for the next morning. We’re lucky to have this space!

Feel free to comment and share anything that’s made your life easier during virtual learning!

Little Things

So I’m not a morning person. Never have been. Ask my mom. And these days of Covid and virtual learning, it’s even harder to get out of bed, and you can forget bright-eyed and bushy-tailed!

This morning, though, Brian was already out of the house so I was flying solo, trying to have my smoothie and scroll through my phone in peace before “school” started. But Brody said the dreaded words. “Mom, will you play a game with me?” I racked my brain for a good reason not to, but I had nothing. So he ran off and came back with Trouble, and we played with Deacon.

It seemed to take FOREVER. I don’t mind the game, but inevitably someone gets upset they are losing, someone tries to cheat, someone skips someone’s turn…makes for a less enjoyable game. But we finished, and we cleaned it up.

I went in to the kitchen to make coffee, because…coffee. Deacon came in, hugged me, and said, “mom, you’re the best mom ever because you played a game with us.” And just walked away, not seeing the tears in his mom’s eyes. It’s the little things, isn’t it? They matter so much.

I’m trying to keep this in mind. I’m having a hard time with virtual learning, but so are my kids. Finding these little moments and focusing on the happiness they bring is so important! It doesn’t take much to make someone smile, and we all need to remember that, especially when things are tough.

Expectations vs. Reality of Virtual Learning

So this virtual schooling has surprised me.  In the spring, and in summer (yes, I made my kids do summer school!) there was more independent work.  Teachers posted video lessons, and then there were assignments to complete.  I was guiding my kids through their list of tasks each day.  They had projects, worksheets I printed to complete, practice using apps and websites, youtube videos, online stories, indendent reading.  And when the kids had trouble paying attention to a 15-20 minute video lesson, I taught them myself.  The kids didn’t want to learn from me though, and some days were downright ugly.  I knew it wasn’t working, but everyone was just suddenly thrust into it with no preparation.  The circumstances sucked, and I hate to say it, but the outcome sucked too.

Now, they are on Google Meets for almost the entire time.  8:30am until 1pm.  There are some breaks built in, thank goodness, but otherwise the kids are expected to sit at a desk or table in front of their Chromebook.  They listen to their teacher present for most of that time, and they also have one or two specials each day.  We have gone to the polar opposite of spring virtual learning it feels like.  After spring, many parents were asking for more live instruction.  Now, we have ALL live instruction.  It’s too much.  There’s no balance.  There’s definitely pieces missing.  It’s not what I was expecting.

I will give you some (ok just one) positives though because I really feel like a Debby Downer lately.  So for me, I am able to get more done around the house.  Whereas before, I was actively engaged in moving my children from activity to activity throughout the school morning, now they are pretty independent at navigating themselves between their classes and taking their breaktimes.  Which has left me more time to be able to fold laundry and (gasp) actually put it away, to vacuum (ok start the iRobot) and mop the kitchen floor and also just walk around with my coffee mug and supervise.

I’ve been moved to a more managerial position, which is kinda nice.  However – and here’s where I get negative again – with elementary-aged children, being a manager involves encouraging them to keep going when they are just DONE being on the computer, giving them hugs when they feel too sad to continue, making them go back to their computer when they just walk off because their brains hurt, and smiling back at them when they look at me with sad puppy dog faces.

Each of my tasks breaks my heart a little bit more.  I feel like I have to work overtime after school is over to build them back up again.  To take away their sadness and depression, and replace it with smiles and happiness.

And then the next morning comes, and poor little Deacon asks, “We have to do those meetings again?”  “Yes, honey, that’s school now.” And then I die a little inside when his face crumbles and his eyes fill with tears.

Reflections on the first day of virtual learning

My heart is breaking. I’m watching my kids, each on their own chromebooks with their headphones on, completely miserable in front of a screen. I want to cry for them. I’m trying to be positive and set the tone for them, but I’m finding it increasingly difficult to put a smile on my face. This is the first day of school, and there’s little excitement. There’s no “I can’t wait to see my teacher!” “I can’t wait to make new friends!”

You can just tell from these faces. There are two out of five smiling. And these two are my generally happy, look on the bright side kids. But even now, not quite one hour into the day, I’m hearing sighs from that classroom as they shift positions.

This is just sucking the life out of them, like it’s doing for me. School should be exciting and engaging. My kids should complain about getting up and ready for school, but then be so happy to get on the bus, and go see their teachers and their friends. They should be having snack and lunch with their friends, and running around on the playground at recess. They should be actually moving for gym class. They should be painting in art class. They should be playing instruments in music class. They should actually be using pencils and paper for f%$@’s sake. This is hard to watch.

The teachers really are trying. I feel bad for them.  This is Brody’s self portrait he shared with his class today.  That’s him holding his Chromebook with a big frowny face.  He said he feels sad.  Easton told his teacher he feels mad and sad.  I overheard another student saying they were bored.  It really is just so disheartening as a parent to hear these answers, as it must be for teachers too.

All I can say is that I hope this gets better.  And I hope we do go back to hybrid October 12th.  Also not ideal, but definitely a step in the right direction.

Sorry I meant to post this last night, but I was busy downing glasses of wine.

Mimosas, anyone??

Yesterday, I was quoted as saying, “I’m killin it!!” I felt on top of the world, homeschooling 5 kids, getting dinner in the crock pot, making stock for tomorrow’s dinner, making cookies with the kids, spending quality time outside.

Today’s quote, at 10:17am, was, “Ok I may need to pour a mimosa.” I didn’t right then, but I definitely did around 12:30pm when I just couldn’t stand it anymore. I have a few small victories like the soup going for tonight, most of the schoolwork completed, kids fed. But I really haven’t done anything with grace or composure today. And I definitely haven’t accomplished the day’s whole to do list.

And I guess that’s probably how this quarantine is going to go. I’m assuming this whole thing is gonna last longer than 2 weeks. I’m assuming the kids will be out of school at least until after Easter. And even with that, I’m not really holding my breath.

If I can string together more yesterdays together, I’ll be happy. Hopefully getting into a routine day after day will help. I think the biggest problem is that I’m MOM trying to be their teacher. I have to teach (which I’m cool with; I’m a certified teacher) but I also am MOM. There’s complaints. There’s whining. There’s flat out refusals to work. There were even tears (only when he couldn’t draw like Mo Willems though). I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said, “Do you treat your teachers like this?” or “Do you act like this in school?” I know teachers have it hard. But Mom/Teacher is the freaking worst.

But as I told the kids, no one is happy about this situation. We still have to make the best of it. We have to suck it up and deal with what we’re given because we have no choice!!!

So we’ll plug on. I’ll plan for a better tomorrow. And always rememeber there’s a case of Prosecco and a case of orange juice in my garage.

What keeps me going…

By Brody

Ugh, could you die??? This kid just knows exactly how to refill my cup. He’s also super skilled at emptying it, too, but we won’t go there right now. That’s us playing soccer together. 🥰

I love love love artwork like this. I’m going to frame this one for sure. It makes me smile every time I see it! Kid totally melted my heart.

Spring School Sibling Picture

Here’s another one! This def reminds me how lucky I am, and how much I’m loved and needed. My ❤s.

I hang these things up because in certain moments, I NEED a reminder of why I’m on this planet, of why I need to put on my big girl panties and keep truckin’.

Because I’m Mom. Mommy. Mama. MOMMAY! And don’t forget Mommymommymommymommymommy.

Still here…

Ok, it’s been forever since I’ve posted, I know. I’ve felt guilty about that during my whole hiatus. Enough to write about 15 drafts and never hit “publish”.

I’ve been in a place. I’ve been grieving the loss of my father, going through things on the homefront, going through things personally…pretty much just trying to catch my breath for months and months. Bouncing from one commitment to the next, one project to the next, one unexpected illness to the next, one drama to the next. Every time I think, “ok i just need like two weeks where I don’t get slapped in the face,” here comes another load of crap to deal with. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve said, “ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME????” I’d be on a month-long well-deserved vacation at Atlantis right now.

So, basically, it’s been chaos and craziness, but we are all still here…plugging away. Working for better days ahead.

The kids, however, are mostly untouched by all the behind-the-scenes drama. All they know is they get to see their friends at school every day and at sports every week, they got to go to Disney World for the first time and are just living their best lives. Even a stomach bug can’t bring them down for too long (which we are currently on our 4th case of).

And I guess that’s parenthood right there: making sure the kids are ok.

Here’s some highlights…

School Pictures – Fall ’19

Brody – K Deacon – K Easton – 2 Emerson – K Hayden – K

Disney World – November ’19

We absolutely loved Galaxy’s Edge!!

The six cousins

My little Jedi’s got to train and then fight Darth Vader!

Honestly, I don’t know how we’ll ever top that trip, but I guess we’ll try 😉

Christmas Morning

New Year’s Eve

Easton’s 1st Pinewood Derby

Basketball for the Quads

Just relaxing

Until next time…