Days like today are trying. They are tough. They test your patience. They push you to within an inch of your breaking point. Sometimes you reach that point and lash out. Then all you’re left with is guilt and sadness, not to mention the situation that put you there in the first place.
Then I sit down and try to think of how we got to this point. Why is Easton so cranky? He was sad that Pappy went to the doctor and he couldn’t go with him. He was upset that I couldn’t take him down to the playroom to play because I had the babies. Why were the babies so cranky? Two of them were up for a while in the middle of the night. All of them woke up early. They were getting bored, and it was almost naptime. Why is this all hard to deal with right now? Well, Brian is away, we have movers coming tomorrow to switch around some rooms and the quads’ dedication ceremony is Saturday. I’m trying to figure out how to get everything done and ready, plus the day-to-day stuff that needs to be done on top of that.
It all makes sense. They aren’t just doing it to get on my nerves. They aren’t just trying to anger me. They aren’t trying to push me to the brink of insanity. They really are good kids who are just being kids.
Now is where the hard part starts. Transforming myself from Godzilla to Mary Poppins. These are the terms I use to describe how I feel. There’s a middle ground too, but what I strive to do every day is NOT have Godzilla days. I don’t want to raise my voice at my kids. I don’t want to storm around and throw stuff, roaring to blow off steam. I want to be happy with my kids. I want to enjoy these special moments with them because no matter how I feel right now, someday I may be nostalgic for these cute, innocent baby days. I want to play with the kids and take care of them, take care of the house and maybe even throw in a fun craft for Easton or some outside time. Or holy crap, both! I love how I feel on Mary Poppins Days. It’s like a cycle; the better one day is, the easier it is to bring that to the next day.
It’s a challenge, and it takes work to turn a Godzilla day into a Mary Poppins day. It takes self-control, organization and coffee! It takes having something to look forward to. It takes just taking a moment to do something for myself. Sometimes it takes help. Sometimes it just takes an email from a sympathetic friend. Sometimes it takes writing it down and letting it go.
I hope you all have a Mary Poppins Day!